Saturday, June 30, 2007

Date idea

[Begin video now.]

The romantics at Sovereign Grace Singles are hosting an online discussion of "Federal Vision" theology Tuesday night. I fear the outcome.

Quick cut to a few nights after this headline event:
She: John?

He: Yes, my little Reformed dumpling?

She: I've been thinking. About us.

He: What?

She: You know I love you.

He: I love you, too, my precious five-petaled tulip. What's wrong?

She: Remember the other night, when you got out the popcorn and Guinness?

He: Because Coke was too baptistic?

She: Yes. And we dimmed the lights and put on the romantic fireplace video?

He: Yes.

She: And snuggled up with our laptops for the Sovereign Grace Singles Voice Chat "Rich IM" Discussion of the Federal Vision Issue?

He: Oh, yeah, baby. [Nuzzles her right earlobe.] Good times.

She: It's over, John.

He: What? [Lets an open copy of the Institutes drop from his lap to the floor.] I thought you loved me?

She: I do. In so many ways we're perfect for each other. You're strong and handsome. We both love the Lord. We're both OPC. I'm a little bit Van Til, you're a little bit John Frame. You floss.

He: What is it, then?

She: You know what it is.

He: I don't!

She: It's about the covenant of works, John.

He: [Bemused.]

She: When you admitted the other night -- online -- that you're not too fond of that language, how was I supposed to feel? I was humiliated, in front of all those other Sovereign Grace Singles. All I could think was, "This is not the TR man I fell in love with in God's providence." It's over.

[Fade to Green Baggins olive drab.]
This post is hopelessly insider. I apologize to anyone who stumbles onto it and wonders what to make of it.


Blogger Angie said...

Funny piece!

This could go somewhere in there:

She: Such a lovely fire...

He: Yes, darling. It's a wonderful reminder of how those who deny sola fide will be ever consigned to the flames of hell.

She: Sigh. Oh, John, you're such a poet!

8:36 PM  
Blogger Valerie (Kyriosity) said...

*snif* *dab*

Who needs chick flicks when fine, quality romance like this is available for free right here on the Interweb?

5:13 AM  
Blogger Al said...

"Because Coke was too baptistic?"

Very funny. And from Philly too... Perhaps the West Coast could respond and we could have some sort of "Battle of Satirists".

al sends

7:07 AM  
Anonymous raspberries said...

John should have chanted it to her first......

(7 middle Cs with 2 Ds, back to 2 Cs)....

A dam in the gar den was still un der grace.....

If she survived that she would survive anything :)

6:47 PM  
Blogger Paul Buckley said...

Raspberries, eh? Should've chanted it, eh? You know me too well.

Who are you, really, raspberries?

7:33 PM  
Anonymous raspberries said...

I am from the PPP (Pontificating Presbyterian Police). We are watching you :)

see footnote 27.......

Adam did not MERIT the reward, but a gracious God would have given it, had he obeyed. The works never would have merited a reward commesurate with the work, but a gracious God would have given the reward because of His gracious promise.

FVs don't like the term "covenant of works", and harp about there being grace in the first covenant. The PCA agrees. The work was NOT about merit. Very important! You must understand that the PCA and the Standards do NOT deny the grace of God operating in the first covenant. (even if Jesus DID have to obey/work to earn eternal life for us)

Next time tell the pretty little tulip that you love what the PCA says about the first covenant in their report, footnote 27.

2:32 PM  
Blogger Ruth Rachel Vendsel said...

Oh, Paul. This is too hilarious!

8:35 AM  

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